LOOSING MY POTENTIAL

As soon as I make that decision, I give up potential of all other choices.  When we are children we aren't burdened by this. Everything is potential, no matter the outcome or comparisons. We have nothing to compare. Not a jot of predictibiltly but a wealth of discovery.  Smarter people than me, figure this out. It seems like they are more confident that me. But they aren't anymore able to predict outcomes. It's the joy of discovery.  Nothing seems to compell me to be philanthropic, or to study the primacy of "speculative masonic thinking".  I'm sure this isn't a school of thought, but a description of a window through which the world reveals itself to a humble student. Which then is the challenge? To live with doubt and conjecture or attempt truth? Is this what is meant as I suspect,  by the death of will? Metaphysics is only part of the phenomena. As above, so below. Physical and metaphysical. The mathematics of life and living transports us beyond impressions and beliefs to deeper meaning. But the question of us, is it transformative? Not necessarily but it could be. It really doesn't matter until it matters to you. You alone are the measure of efficacy. Walk up to the average person and they would think you odd to be speaking familiarly about history and philosophy.  Profane lives also matter, is another way of saying masonry is not about hubris, but hegemony one act at a time. I would hope your search, our search for meaning is enriched by the information and dialogues you are able to experience with brethren.